October

For some reason I can't really fathom, I adore the month of October. I have very clear memories from this month, especially from my exchange. The colors are gorgeous, the air is pure, and a little bit of a routine has been established for the new school year. A day very similar to the one outside my window two years ago, I was on a busride to Budapest and traveling with the French students to Strečno. -happy sigh-

I'm out of my rebound year. Back into "real life". I introduced myself to someone the other day, going by the name Eliška still. The gal was very curious as to the origins, and so I found myself explaining that I'd lived in Slovakia my senior year. "How long ago was that?" she asked. "A couple of years ago," I replied with a bit of surprise.

I go back and forth on where I stand. I absolutely love Des Moines. Yet the world still calls me. Travel, see, it beckons. My old business professor is constantly encouraging me and showing me new opportunities. We will see what happens next. Whether to stay, or go, or what to do with my life. The choice of picking a major is almost on me. But that's okay. Because it's a big, exciting, and wonderful world, wherever I am. :)

And now?

I always heard that re-adjusting post exchange was almost as difficult as adjusting during the exchange. I praise God that that has not been the case for me. Rather, the scars that haunted me when I returned from Slovakia have healed and I have found myself in a world that I love.

I still will have random days when I burst out in a flurry of Slovak stories. I still have days when I text or facebook my exchange friends because I saw something that reminded me of them. But I feel no pain, no bitterness, no wondering 'what-ifs?'.

I find myself mentioning Slovakia every time I meet someone new. Granted, this is because I go by Eliška-- not exactly a common name. I've shortened my explanation to something along the lines of, "Nope, it's not Russian. It's a Slovak nickname. Now tell me..." I still do explain it more at times, but only if it is someone who actually looks interested =)

My life is full, my life is busy, my life is good. But very little has to do with Slovakia or exchange. So it does not have a place in this blog.

However, if you are interested, for the next couple months, I will be blogging about my adventure in Poland (and my hopeful visit to Slovakia). So you are more than welcome to follow me there at http://asummerinpoland.blogspot.com/

Love you lots...

Merry Christmas-- AMERICAN Style

As if the weather wanted to make up for the minimal snow there was in Slovakia last year, now I have an INSANE amount just outside my window! I'm loving this whole white Christmas-birthday-new year thing :)

My first host family was so kind and sent me a package for Christmas. Included: lots and lots of chocolate! I giggled, hardcore. There was even some horalky! I will definitely be eating that and drinking the last of the kofola on Tuesday (my birthday!)

I was thinking about it today and realized that 6 months ago, I was on my way back to America. Six months. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN????? I thought -last- year went by fast! Now I've been becoming American again for half a year. Six months ago, I was flying back to Iowa!

Of course, knowing me, I'm never going to stay still for long. I have absolutely loved this semester at DMACC, but a couple things are changing now. Firstly, I've been accepted to a school in B.C., Canada, where I will start in Fall 2010. But more exciting is my combined Christmas/birthday present. First, let me explain a bit. My family doesn't wrap gifts. I don't know why not, but we haven't for years. Instead, we either stick the present in a pillow case and make them guess, or play a game of Hot-and-Cold. It was my dad's turn. He began with the usual starter clue: Go East. Shrugging, I stood up. I walked to the eastern end of the house, he kept saying I was slowly getting warmer. When I ran out of house, I turned back and said, "There's a wall. What now?" He shrugged and said, "How far east do you want to go?" My heart plain near stopped beating. "What did you do?" I asked apprehensively, not wanting to get my hopes up. "Well, we figure that if you really want to go to Europe this summer, we'll pay for your plane ticket there and back."

I cried. I don't think that I have ever cried from happiness, but I did then. I curled up next to my parents and sobbed for a good 10 minutes, trying to wrap my mind around this. John Crozier, our missionary in Poland will be coming to our church next week. We're going to talk to him about me interning at the camp there this summer, and then taking a train to Slovakia to meet up with all my friends again. Granted, I don't get anything else for Christmas or my birthday (actually, probably not the next year's either hahaha), but I am completely fine with that.

I can't contain all the ecstasy building up. Every once in a while I'll just start squealing out of sheer excitement and disbelief. I'M GOING BACK!!!!!

I've told a couple of my friends, and they are just as excited as I am. Zuzka's response was a full 10 lines of pure jibberish =)

Other than that-- I've submitted my story for the scholarship contest. We'll see what happens come April. Did I win? We'll see!

That's all for today! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, all that jazz :)

The World Keeps Turning

If I actually went back and looked closely, I could find out exactly what I was doing a year ago.

As it is, I'm remembering a lot anyway. I remember Miguel's birthday, I remember meeting "Frenchie" and going to Budapest for the first time. I remember going to Babka's and laying out candles at the graveyard on All-Souls Day (and being very hurt and frustrated when a woman there randomly instructed me that I "MUST learn Slovak!").

In truth, I have been reading my blog a bit lately. The reason being that I'm writing a story about my year. Finally, right? Haha kidding. For real, though. My school has a writing competition that I'd like to enter. Maximum is 20 pages, so obviously I'm cutting a lot out. But in the meantime, I'm walking through memory lane and reliving joys and hurts. So far, I have gotten to Italy-- in my tale, Zuzka has just given me a new journal. I'm inching closer to the end! (Although, as this blog post evidences, my exchange still hasn't ended in my memory.)

I randomly talk with people about my year, sharing facts about Europe. When someone told me that America was removing the military shield from Slovakia, I threw a mini hissy fit. Sometimes, I have to explain why I do things a little differently (for example, why I sometimes accidentally kiss someone on the cheek after hugging them). Or I explain that someone can trust me: I've been through similar experiences.

I talk about every other week with someone from Slovakia. Either a former exchange student or a native friend, depending on the day. I have so many new numbers in my phone and relish being able to release these strange words on someone who understands them. Usually though, it's via writing. Facebook is a wonderful tool for helping me keep in touch with my friends.

Unfortunately-- my language comprehension skills are going down the tubes! Sometimes my Slovaks post videos on Facebook and I'll listen to them. It's so frustrating! I know many of the words, but they are talking so quickly! I can't understand it anymore and it makes me sad. (On the other hand, a few days ago I Skyped with a Polish friend and was amused that I could understand some Polish... he found it funny, too, how he could understand my Slovak.)

Every once in a while, I'll hear a song on the radio and grin... Viva La Vida by Coldplay? Brings me down memory lane. But then there are some songs I heard all the time, like Angels by Morandi, or Can You Hear Me? by Enrique Iglesias. People here have never heard of them! Some of my favorite songs... nonexistent in this part of the world. -cue the sad face-

My bedroom is awesome, though. I have so many pictures hung on the wall from the last couple of years, and by my pillow proudly hangs my signed Slovak flag. I chat to myself in Slovak when I'm home alone, and my various internet accounts get switched back and forth from English and Slovak frequently.

Well, faithful readers (all 3 of you ;) ), I need to get back to the real world now. You know, the one with homework, English-only friends, and my new job.

Until next time... life goes on.

Rebound World

I highly doubt anyone still checks this. But just in case someday, someone falls across this blog again, you can get a bit of the next part of my exchange journey: the end.

I've been a rebound for three months. It's been busy, I'll tell you that. My first month back home was constantly avoiding people. Being from a small town, everybody knew that I'd been on exchange and thought it was fascinating. I had a couple of conversations memorized (wow, doesn't this sound familiar?). One of them was about thirty seconds long, the second was about a half hour long.

I spent most of my "jet lag week" finishing my scrapbook. My parents were very forgiving about having pictures and stickers strewn across the living room. After that, I'd walk around town, letting people see the book. I gave a presentation to my community after about three weeks. My local paper wrote a small article about it so that I didn't have to advertise. I made a powerpoint presentation and spread out memorabilia from the year all across my church basement. This included my high school diploma-- yes, I DID finish high school, see?? (Although I must admit, it was pretty boring seeing my valedictorian medal and the stole and other random graduation stuff. I guess the "stuff" is probably only interesting during the week of graduation. Right now, it's just gathering dust.)

On August 5, my parents and I flew back to Europe. I spent the next two weeks in utter bliss. We picked up my best Slovak friend, Zuzka, in Vienna, and spent 9 days with her. We stayed in Vienna a couple of days, then drove up to Zakosciele, Poland. Two years after I'd first touched foot in Europe, I was back where I'd wanted to be. It was a very strange experience for me at that camp. For the first time in my life, I wasn't missing anything. I had family, Poland, and my best Slovak friend. Crazy, right? Next, we drove to Krakow, then back to Slovakia. We went to Liptovsky Mikulas and my parents got to see the mountain range where I went skiing. We also got to meet Miska-- the girl who'd come to Iowa a few years before. While in that area, we drove to the Orav Village-- Zuzka's 2nd favorite place in the world. Well, it wouldn't do to not go to her favorite place! So, sure enough, after stopping in Zvolen and showing off the castle, we drove to Zuzka's grandparents and spent the night with them. The next day, we drove down to Budapest. Once more, as had happened for the last four cities, it rained as we arrived.

Finally, finally, we drove to my Nitra. I got to spend several days exploring my old haunts, this time showing my parents around. I spent time with both host families. I accidentally ran into Marian, my first exchange brother, and Paul, his brother while walking by the castle. That was really neat to be able to finally meet the guy I've been communicating with for the last year. But Jakub, my second exchange brother? He left for a week of martial arts training an hour before we went to his house. So I still have not met him.

But I was able to meet up with so many of my friends again. My drama kids organized a meeting at Pod Agatmi (a popular outdoor pub by the castle). I got to show my parents around my school, around Trala Skola, introduce them to my drama teacher and friends. They got to meet Pato, recently back from Japan and ready to take off for Spain. They met my pastor and his wife at my church. They saw Centro and the castle, they saw the view of the city. Finally, my stories had meaning.

All too soon, we had to leave. August 19th we were back in Vienna and flying to America. After a week stateside, I moved into my apartment with my roommates and started college.

College has brought its own set of joys and sorrows. I have officially started going by Eliška. I am in the process of healing from the scars exchange left me with. Sometimes I still have nightmares. But I am able to talk to some people. I've gone to one session of therapy. But more, it's fun being able to offer tidbits of the Slovak culture to my new American friends. I've met a couple of Russian-speakers and have had miniature conversations with them. I've realized that my English is miserable! Writing papers is impossible! I can't spell, nor can I think of the words I'm searching for desperately.

Last night was the first night that I dreamed about my American friends again. Since coming back, it has always been about a Slovak friend, a place in Slovakia, or I've had conversations in Slovak. Last night was no exception, except now I had Americans as key figures as well.

I'm going through the same exhaustion and sickness that I did a year ago when I called it "culture shock". Who knows? It might be that again.

Slovakia is never far from my thoughts. I wonder if it ever will be? In the mean time, I keep up my friendships with my Slovak friends and exchange friends. Life is crazy, but then again, so are the people I choose to communicate with. That's not weird, is it? :)

There's No Place Like... Home

So this is it. It is about 6:30 in the morning in Iowa. I'm sitting at my old spot, hooked up to the ethernet in the office downstairs. I'm trying to figure out what is real.

Am I dreaming? Have the last 48 or so hours been the most vivid dream of my life? Or was this last year just a book that I read and really got into... After all, I ought to be starting my senior year in the fall. There's no way I could have just spent a year abroad...

It's been a strange few days. Wandering through the airport was quite easy. I was a little overweight, but they just let it slide. My carryon was really heavy and drove me crazy. My long flight felt so easy (part of this was probably because I've spent so much time on buses lately that "only" 9 hours was super. Another part was because we got in a half hour early :D).

But, at the same time, it wasn't so easy. I'd been saying for months that I wanted my Brazilian wish bracelet to fall off on the plane. But I didn't think it would actually happen-- until almost exactly 2200 miles from either place I wanted to be, I gave it a little tug and it broke off. When it snapped, so did I. I was so grateful that the girl next to me was asleep as I tried to smother my sobs in the pillow. It was several hundred miles before I finally composed myself.

I spent a lot of the plane ride remembering this last week. Every day, I had plans with at least four people, spending several hours each day saying goodbye. Lunch, Kofola, palacinky, coffee, just wandering around town. I kept talking with my Slovak friends, and learned new words up until my last day. I realized that there are some people that are just easier to converse with in Slovak-- Magdelenka and Lucia are two such examples, whereas Mirka and Dano are more difficult.

We had sport days at our school on Thursday and Friday. Friday, I said goodbye to my class. The hardest goodbye for me was my lovely Zuzka. She had to leave early to go with her family on a trip. We hugged each other probably four times before she finally left. But she'd scarcely gotten out of sight when she came running back to give me one more hug. She was crying, and I began to after she left.

I had this part of me that kept saying, "Never look back." Now I wish I would have, just a bit, to see a final glimpse of my friends. I had a group that walked with me to a corner, a group that walked with me to the divadlo. Ushering me into the next stage. 

I met some incredible people this year. I'm worried that it won't last, but I'm also accepting it. Accepting that there are some people that are designed to live in your memory. I have around 3000 pictures on my camera, and a million more in my head. I have tastes, scents, sights, and feelings that people around here don't understand. As I wander through Clarion, people give me hugs and say that I must be so glad to be back. I just smile and nod, meanwhile my heart aches for people and places on the other side of the world. There are some things you just can't explain to the average person. Yes, I'm glad to be back, but with two worlds, I cannot say that I'm happy with every fiber of my being to be back in reality. I MISS Slovakia, and the Slovak language. It's time for reverse culture shock. And wow, am I ever feeling it.

I always knew Clarion was small. But I didn't think I would actually be able to run out of town to walk in. Yesterday, I walked up to a friends house that used to take forever to get to. I felt like I was just getting started. This is so crazy.

My parents and sister brought four friends up to the airport to meet me. Four friends from all walks of my life. I was glad of who was there, and had the adrenaline rush keep me up until around 9 (about 4 am according to my body). It was so strange, like I had a million stories to tell. Already I feel bad because it is all I can talk about. I know they are going to be sick of my tales fast, but I was still really glad they were there with me. When I got to the baggage claim and saw my dad, I ran and threw myself at him, carryon and all, and felt the tears come to my eyes. I heard him explain to somebody over my head that, "I haven't see her in a year."

I know this entry isn't making much sense, but then again, neither are my thoughts right now. So much has happened, so much will happen. So many people to talk to-- people who want three sentences when I have three books in my head.

For now, I'll just look forward to August when I go back, and try not to forget this language in the mean time.

Now comes the next stage of this exchange. They told me it was hard going over, they didn't really talk about how hard it was coming back.

Ponderings

You've helped me soooo much this year.

But have I done ANYTHING for you?

You take me out.

I... do what? Smile?

What have I done?

Have I done anything of worth?

Have I done anything to make a difference?

Will you remember me in two years? Five?

Will you think of me someday, fifteen years down the road, and say, "Yes, I'm glad she was here." Or will you say, "Huh, I remember her," and move on, because I did nothing to make you care about me.

Will I forget?

Will you?